you can say i chanqed

a little bit

&

i qot a tat

i chanqed but for the worse.;; im loosinq abit of myself everyday;loosinq reality

i cant take it much lonqer, my heart is totally blackened, my brain is totally fried

overdosed on ambien 2 weeks aqo, i wish i went into a coma, that was my qoal, but nope, just woke up in a shitty ass room in the hospital, dont remember a damn thinq tho, but everyniqht i wish i never woke upp, but i havent drank in like 3months which is qood, the only time im happy is when im hiqh on those oxys, and i cant stop, my mom wants to send me into a hospital rehab place, but i wont, never will; im just down riqht now cuz im kinda sober, pretty sad if you think bout it

EDIT--  september 23rd

its almost one-

im a thief, liar, backstabber, id do anythinq,say anythinq to qet what i want, or to qet outta bad situtations, i steal from my fucking mother to qet a quick hiqh, what the fuck am i ? what did i turn into, i dont steal money tho, i know we need that to survive, my mom is the most amazinq women ever, i swear. she is superwoman, and i take her for qranted sometimes, i sometimes think she doesnt care bout me, when i treat her bad, when she qoes out and qoes to a store, she'll pick me up somethinq, and qives it to me, makes me cry all the time, to know she's always there and thinkinq of me, and i do so much to hurt her, like steal from her, wtf, im the worst dauqhter ever, i dont even know; 

i graduated

;]

now off to start a new life..

;]

whats the date?, i dont even know but i know its sunday but thank god we got tmrrw off since is memorial dayy!

im at matties, im always here now, i hate going home now well cuz dads pretty much fucking livin there, we moved out for a reason but moms got no balls to tell him to get out, he acts like its his house now, and its so dumb but whatev,  Ima bout to graduate in like 2 weeks, i think, graduation 19th , im so excited but there is a slight chance i wont cuz of addence, but people are gunna help me so i think im goood with that;; me and david are pretty much done, he thinks im tryn to get with his friend whos in some of my classes, he is cute, but i wasnt tryn to get with him cuz i know he would tell david, i was only talkn to him & i told him bout my graduation party, so davii gets all pissy, anyways , do you guys think messing/fuckn 15 guys is bad?not sayn its me or anything,

im 18 bitches! yerpyerp, finally legal baby!

so much shiit;; but im wayy to lazzzy to type it

theres past coupe months have been a roller coaster,im slowing getting over mikes death,but still cry every now and again, i started my senior and i already missed to many days,well this past week it hasnt been my fault,my mom got really sick, so i had to stay home and take care of her,she went to the hospital the other day, this is the 3rd time shes been to the hospital in the last 5 or so months,and im getting so fucking scared

i finally figured out what im gunna do with my life,at school, im taking this course that shows you career paths, so ive been with workng with kids that are mentally/pyshcally handicaped, and the teachers say i have a very promising talent for that kind of work,so im going to do a 2yr program to become a teacher,or a teachers aid, i aint sure yet

me and ryan are over,it was 7months we've been dating,okay so i started to this kid larz,who ive known for a while,but we lost contacted and we just started talking again,and i started to like him and he liked me,and we're gunna chill, and so i was like ryan "bye" lol,by the way if you havent guessed larz is black,ahaha, like me and larz chilled, and if ever get a chance to kiss a black guy,do it! once you go black you never go back,lol!, so larz told me he was gunna ask me out when we chill, but i think he was to scared to,so, idk, he was so tall oh man! hes sucha cutiie too, but we didnt have sex becuase i had my period and shit,i was so pissed,ahaha,all we did is make out,and cuddle,and larz brought his friend,so i brought tabbi,LMFAOOO guess what happend? well they all smoked,so teddy and tabbi,lay on my bed,and tedd falls asleep,and a couple hrs later,he comes out into the living room with larz(cuz larz fell asleep too) and he says "i feel so embarrsed" i was like whyy what happend, and then al i hear is tabby laugh so hard,i run into my room to see what happend, and i see a big wet spot on my bed, i was no fucking way, a 2yr old guy pissed on my bed, so me and larz cleaned it up while tedd got new clothes and cleaned up, oh by the way larz is 20,soo yahh, so a couple days after larz left i get this txt from tedd saying " hillybaby, i really do like you ,but i just got outta a serious relationship,i dont want to label you just yet," so it was larz using tedd's phone and i wanted to cry,i was so pissed, but whatever, we still talk, and we're trying to chil again, i still wanna date him, and shit, we'll see what happens

(thats larz's body,ohh shit! i just creamed my pants,lol)

oh yeah, ryan is dating this stupid fuckng bitch, wtf uguh that shit pisses me off,who fucking cares

alright so,i went into dunken donuts the other day,and this black guy was behind the counter, i tell him what i want, i doo and ge gets it for me,and then i hand him the change, and i forget what happend but then he's like "how am i gunna flirt with you now?" i was like what?!, ahaha, then i went to leave, hes like come back!, i said i will, so couple mins later i do, and i ordered a egg sanwich thing, and i didnt have enough money for it,hes like thats okay just give me a dollar, so he took off 70 cents,i was like awwe! thanks, and then hes like i know you gotta phone, i was yeah, we exchanged numbers, and then i left,acouple mins later, he txted me saying, when left i wanted to touch your ass, i was like you shouldve, ahaha, so later in the night we chilled,we went to this like driveway thing, i dont know what it was ,and you know what happend, we started making out, and then he saw my legs,so i explained to him what happend and then he talked alot,blahblahblah, and then i said lets go back to my house,and att this point it was like 12am,and i had school to next morning,so we went back to my house, and then we went down in the basement,and yahh, started making out,taking off clothes, and one thing led to another,the sex was amazing,but i was kinda loud,lollollol,so im trying to chill with him agaainn

moving on, well its almost halloween, and i aint sure what im doing, me,owen and my mom we're probably gunna go up to see jimmy & the kids, but since my mom is sick , we might not, and i wanted to have a party but mad people are already having one, so probaly not having it,so i might chill with tabbs and then david & his brother,yay! i hope i get more ass! that was so amazing, lmao,

i look skinny, so yay!, but i dont know if i like itt, but my boobs like kinda bigg<3